In this final column, for a change, I'm not going to criticise ETH or propose any improvements. Instead, I've been gazing into my high-tech-nano crystal ball and foreseen something of what the future holds in store for this university.

Following the success of the People's Republic of China in pursuing its own space programme without any foreign aid, the Swiss Parliament decided that it was the in thing to do and that Switzerland, too, must shoot something into the heavens. For reasons of Helvetian uniformity and modesty the members of the parliament didn't want to single out any individual. It had to be something in keeping with the country's long tradition of practicality and it had to be functional . We did not merely wish to send a lifeless monument into space, but to make a contribution towards international research was what the official communiqué said. According to unofficial rumours, a motion to send a single person up miscarried because a certain member of a Swiss Quality Party vehemently refused to take the recommendation of being "sent to the Moon" literally. Despite helpful pressure from a number of peer MP's and arguments like "the French speaking Swiss have had one with Nicollier, now it's the German speaking Swiss’ turn ".

What then could be sent up? Before long the decision was reached to send a national research institution into space. And because ETH’s sister EPF Lausanne had already moved to the Mariana trench and founded a new Swiss colony there, the powers that were decided that they would have to send ETH Zurich.

As expected, the project proved to be a huge international success. A few overseas jet planes from Swiss airline were re-fitted and equipped with engines adapted to space travel (make of "Heidiane") and the entire operation was quickly transported into orbit at no great cost. Thanks to the energetic (and underpaid) effort of Swiss soldiers the building of the first Federal Very High School (FVHS) was concluded within 15 years and the first people moved up shortly afterwards.

Elias Mulky, ETH student and ETH Life columist

Planners and builders of the FVHS, not having to deal with delays or obstacles from any territorial planning commissions, had more or less free reign. The assembled station closely resembled a DNA double helix, rotating lengthwise round its own axis. The first department to be honoured was D-GESS (Humanities and Social Sciences) true to the motto, "If anything goes wrong, it won't be horribly expensive". By and by Biology, that had already done so much in space, followed and was eventually joined by Physics, the Chabs1 and all the others.

Now they only had to get the students up there, which proved to be more difficult than anyone had foreseen because, suddenly, the world and his sister applied for exchange years in the heavens above. The Rector's Office nearly broke down under the deluge of applications. A solution had to be found. Not that there was a lack of ideas, but would they work? The idea from the Economiesuisse, to raise tuition fees by a hundred-fold, was nipped in the bud with unaccustomed expedition. The introduction of a Numerus Clausus also quickly proved to be unrealistic, because the creativity the venture called for did not always go hand in hand with good grades. Finally, VSETH (the student's association) came up with a brilliant idea: For the duration of their studies, students had to agree to be available as test persons for diverse experiments, and freedom of choice doesn't exist..... The number of applications rapidly fell to their previous level.

Research and teaching were duly carried out. Students were allotted one gratis run per semester on a shuttle service set up to enable them to visit relatives etc. But the shuttle was more often filled to maximum capacity with relatives coming up to visit their near and dear at the FVHS, and to experience for themselves for a change the joys of weightlessness.

Things continued in this vein for a few decades, until Mars began to approach again, and the Federal Treasury was well-filled...